We are here today to pay tribute to my mother Angelina Tantillo. You are here because there was something about her that touched you and made a difference. My sister Diane, her family, and I are here because without her we wouldn’t be here. And I’m here today because Angie, my mother, requested it.

You see with my mother, Angie, there is always an amusing story that comes with the territory. Let me explain: last year my father passed away and I thought it would be a good thing to write his eulogy. Everyone including my mother were a little concerned about what I would say, however, the result of my writing efforts was an overwhelming “thumbs-up”, and my mother was truly moved by the tribute to her husband. A few days after the funeral we were driving to one of follow-up check-ups at SKH and Angie, after telling me once again how much she thought Dad’s eulogy was great, had a request—that I do one for her. Then mom took it one step further—as only mom could. She wanted me to write her eulogy while she was alive so that she could make the necessary changes—“you see Johnny” she said, “my eulogy has to be better than his!”


That was my Mom—Angie-a real brand, a genuine original!!! And this is what I want to share with you today—the Angie Tantillo you knew and the Mom that Diane and I knew. What more can one ask for in life than having a great family life with an exciting public life and becoming your own brand!

Angelina Teta was born on October 8th 1927 to Pasquale Teta and Maria Mastoberti (aka Patsy Tettie and Mary Mastroberta). Angie was an average student compared to her bright little brother Anthony—Sonny. When Angie had to make a choice what high school she would attend, her bigger than life father, whom she adored, made the decision for her—she would attend the high school that today is affiliated with FIT, and would pursue a career as a seamstress, a path more becoming of person who did not possess the intellectual acumen necessary to become a nurse—her childhood dream. At school she did just fine and did manage to meet at her graduation the Hillary Clinton of her time—Eleanor Roosevelt.


After graduation, she took a job at one of the leading dress designers and her work was so outstanding that she was asked to work for the head designer at the company. Her fashion sense continued and on our daily visits to SKH critiqued my suit, shirt and tie of the day. Angie worked there until she married John Tantillo Sr. in 1950 and never really worked again, but aggressively pursued a career in mothering and had two children.


Raising two children did not stop her from leading an interesting life. There are many examples but the best I believe relates to this church! You see that sculpture over there—it’s the Pieta, a replica of the famous Michelangelo piece. Msgr. Faustman the pastor of this parish at that time, who was considered by many to be a theological and financial genius, had purchased this magnificent piece of art for around $15,000, a fortune at that time.


When Angie heard this, she immediately, placed a call to the Msgr. After a colorful exchange he assured her he completely understood her concern, and her opinion would be considered the next time a purchase like this was made. Years later, the NYT, mentioned St. Matthias as having the best replica of the Pieta in the US. Angie’s reaction was that she always liked the Pieta that Faustman purchased; it was the price he paid for it, that she didn’t like. Was she a pol (a good one at that) or what? For me she was my mother, doing what she always did, speaking her mind because she felt that she was right in her cause!


Mom’s obsession with speaking the truth came from her Frank Sinatra incident with her Mother. FS was appearing at the old Paramount and one of her girl friends had the bright idea of cutting school to attend “old blue eyes” appearance at this grand old performing palace. Her girlfriend assured her that no one will ever find out. The next day, her mother queried Angie about school. And Angie re-stated that everything went well that previous day at school. Her mother pressed again about her day and Angie not expecting that the school had called and had told her mother that her daughter had not attended classes, was about to have the encounter of her life. Her mother once again asked the question and Angie got the surprise of her young life—a crack in the face. From that moment on, Angie always made sure to tell the truth!

But telling the truth, could place Angie in many an awkward position. When my father suffered a heart attack in 1999, Father Ken Grande and I, along with my mother went to visit my father at the Hospital. Toward the end of the visit, my mother was planning one of those great Italian Sunday dinners. My father, a lover of spaghetti, interjected that Angie prepare the spaghetti for us. When we went home Angie asked what pasta we wanted and Ken and I who like pasta of the thicker kind, replied - Macaroni. We had a great meal and the next day when visiting my father, he inquired what type of pasta she prepared her response was macaroni — the pasta the boys wanted! Well my father who was on heart monitoring equipment, had a significant reaction to her statement. Before I knew it, the equipment was going hay wired, doctors came running into the room asking what was going on; and after assuring the doctors, calming my father down and getting everything back to normal, asked my mother why she told Dad about the macaroni, she answered with a smile on her face: “I had to tell him the truth!" That’s Angie, my mother — an original brand.


Another example of her brand is few years before, after visiting my father in the hospital (another visit) we passed the NY Foundling home. I had recently finished my doctorate in psychology and she knew how to push my buttons. She said to me while passing the Foundling home, “Johnny, I have something to tell you.” “What’s that?" I said, falling into her trap. She said, “I have to be honest this is where you came from. I picked you up here a few days after you were born.” I did not know for a moment whether she was serious or not but when she gave me that smile I knew I was had! However, there was still some doubt. This uncertainty was short-lived when one of my friends, Bob Lorenz, one of NYC’s finest still life photographers met her at an awards event. The day after the event I asked whether Lorenz had met my mother and he said, “You bet I did, she was talking, moved her head back and I thought I was talking to John Tantillo in drag.” My fears were relieved.

On the serious side, I cannot forget Angie’s pride in addition to being the world’s best Mom — her relationship with The Ridgewood Property Owners. In addition, her involvement with the Community board and other civic organizations, where she volunteered, cannot be minimized. But for my mother, your friend Angie Tantillo, the biggest non-familiar achievement was becoming president of the Ridgewood Property Owners under the encouragement of her mentor Mr. Paul Kerzner. I believe what got her through her therapy was that every doctor, technician, and nurse at SKH heard that story of her becoming the first woman Italian American to become president of this great organization.


In recent years, the RPO had given Angie Tantillo’s life real meaning. I can think of no other event other than her 80th Birthday Party this past October that made her so proud — being named RPOCA’s “Woman of the year!” You can be assured that those doctors, technicians and nurses heard that one as well.


Angie loved her children, grandchildren and her favorite son in law Mike. She told me many times how Diane and Mike were real soul mates and was very happy that they were happy. And how Diane was so generous and could “never do enough” when you came to visit! Her grandchildren were the apples of her eye: Christine, being the quiet sensitive type with a heart of gold, and Brian, the bright, cheery grandson who could do nothing wrong in her book. BTW he is at William & Mary and was number two in his HS Graduation Class and was robbed of number one spot, because he is a great guy who doesn’t like controversy. Come to think of it Brian, are you really Angie’s grandson or were you picked up at that place I mentioned earlier? Just kidding! Her sister Patricia was someone she loved dearly, but could cause chaos when you least expected it, like all good sisters!


And then there is me. My good friend Dr. Joseph Santoro has the best story about how she felt about me. Joe said to me with his famous chuckle, “John your mother thinks that you are too full of yourself.” I said "what did she say?", Joe answered, “she said that you are a ham and like yourself too much.” My response was —“I had to get it from someone in the family, Joe, and you know my father, duh!” And this was my mother always willing to generate a reaction and a laugh — the best being, getting both at the same time!


Before I sum up, I would like to tell a joke that my mother wanted me to include in this eulogy.
It seems that Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth were trying to get into heaven, but there was a one person limit that particular day. St. Peter asks each of the women what argument they can make to get into the pearly gates. The voluptuous Dolly Parton says to St. Peter "How about these?" St. Peter says "That’s nice, but Queenie what do you have?" The Queen says, "Come with me". The queen goes to the toilet, spits in the toilet, flushes the toilet and says to St. Peter, "There you are, let me in". St. Peter lets the Queen and Dolly Parton objects saying, "What do you mean?" St. Peter responds "Don’t you know anything, Dolly? Royal Flush always beats a pair!"

Well it’s about that time to get a little serious. There are a number of great lines that I would like to share with you about the passing of a parent. One is that when both parents die, you become an adult. Another is that you are a orphan when both parents die — yes, look it up in the dictionary. The first definition cites the death of a parent when a child but the alternate one is the bereavement of parents death. So today, Diane and I are adults and orphans all at once. And then there is one that I will never forget. I saw it in the NY Times OP ED Page and have never been able to find it again— Well It’s from the play August Wilson wrote “A Mother’s Prayer”, in which he states (I am paraphrasing) that when your mother dies, her prayers for you end, and there is no one else in the world, who will replace that prayer for you in the way your mother does! I would like to end by being a little more optimistic— let’s try to include friends of our mothers, and you - friends of Angie - to pray for us orphans so that we will continue to have someone thinking or praying for us where-ever we may be! Thank you all for making me appreciate even more how my mother Angie Tantillo made a difference in my life, my sister’s life, and the lives of all of you!

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I would like to thank Joe Haufe for making Angie’s stay in her apartment the best one could ask for and her sister Pat for always lending an open ear to Angie’s joys and fears.

I would like to thank Ed Zinser, Joe Santoro, Tom Meaney, James Metzger Charles Varvaro Charles Bindert & Bill O’Reilly, Ken Grande, Rolf Graeber and my staff at MDA for their support over the last two years. But the person who is in a league by himself is Paul Kerzner — his support was really great. Thanks.

John Tantillo, Ph.D.